Nobody get married with the intention of someday ending the marriage. Many people go into a marriage with only the best intentions but then life gets in the way. Circumstances change, people grow and change, children are born, careers end and new ones begin. For most people considering divorce, the marriage did not turn out the way they had hoped it would. But, how do you know when a marriage is truly over and it is time to call it quits? Unfortunately, there is no perfect solution to this problem. Every marriage is different. However, there are some questions you can ask yourself to help you figure out what the best course of action is for you in your unique circumstances.

When you are considering ending your marriage, ask yourself the following questions:

• What are the problems in the relationship and are they able to be fixed? Before you can have any hope of repairing a broken marriage, first you must identify what the issues are. Are you and your spouse in agreement about what is causing trouble in the relationship? Have you considered what your role in those problems are? Once the issues have been identified, consider if there is anything that can be done to resolve them.
• What are your needs in a romantic relationship and are they being met? Stop and think for a bit. What do you need from a marriage? Some people need affection, attention, and a partnership with their spouse while others are more independent. Try not to judge yourself too harshly for your needs or think that you are asking too much.
• What will happen if things continue the way they are? If nothing changes in the marriage, what will be the outcome? Play the tape forward in your mind. How will you feel if in five years the marriage is in the same state as it is now?
• Have you tried everything to save the marriage? Before deciding to end the relationship ask yourself if you have tried everything possible to save it. Have you and your spouse tried couples counseling? Have you tried to make a plan for the future? Are you working on the issues in the marriage?
• Is your spouse willing to help make the marriage work? Marriage takes two people. A relationship will never be successful if only one individual in the equation is trying. If your spouse is unwilling to do the work it takes to repair a broken marriage, you cannot do it for him or her.

Contact an Attorney for Guidance

It used to be that once a marriage had passed a certain benchmark of years, it was considered basically safe from the possibility of divorce. However, in this day and age, numerous social and anthropological factors have combined to make divorce much more of a reality for those over 50. While the reality of divorce itself is much more common nowadays, it is not necessarily the same process for seniors as it is for those in their 20s and 30s. If you are planning to divorce later in life, especially after retirement, there are considerations you must take into account.

Social Security Questions

It is reasonable for one to assume that Social Security benefits would be divisible, as is most other property, in a divorce. This is not actually the case; courts may not divide Social Security income or benefits, because they are considered non-marital property. However, the Social Security Administration does permit spouses (or ex-spouses, in some cases) to qualify for direct benefits based on their spouse’s work history. The criteria for receiving your own benefits based on your ex-spouse’s work history are:

During a divorce, one of the most hotly-contested issues is often one spouse’s (or both spouse’s) Social Security benefits, either for disability or retirement. Federal law allows a divorced spouse, in some instances, to receive retirement benefits based on their ex-spouse’s work record, assuming it would pay greater dividends than their own. If you are in a position where you believe you are entitled to such income, it can generally be obtained with sufficient proof.

Criteria for Retirement Benefits

The Social Security Administration (SSA) provides specific criteria, all of which must be met, in order for a divorced person to collect retirement benefits based on his or her former spouse’s work record. The criteria are:

Sometimes, a marriage will simply not work out, no matter how hard the spouses try. However, if your soon-to-be ex-spouse is a foreign national, rather than a U.S. citizen, a divorce may have immigration consequences for him or her, which can, in turn, cause difficulties for you for considerations like child support and parenting time. Being aware of the potential issues before going ahead with the proceedings can help smooth things over between the two of you and work out any potential problems.

If Your Spouse Has a Green Card

Most of the time, if your ex-spouse has already applied for and received permanent resident status card—commonly referred to as a “green card”—he or she will be relatively safe from deportation, assuming he or she does not commit a serious crime. Permanent residents are just that, and cannot generally be deported unless there is crime involved. This is one of the major concerns that permanent residency alleviates by law. While a permanent resident will not be deported after divorce, they should, however, be aware that it can restart the clock in terms of how long they will have to wait in terms of applying for citizenship. A green card holder who is married to a U.S. citizen must wait about half as long as one who is not to apply for U.S. citizenship. However, since your spouse will be permitted to remain in the U.S. in most cases, your divorce should be able to proceed as normal.

Sometimes, divorces get ugly, as we all know. The most common way that spouses try to hurt each other during divorce, aside from arguing over their children, is to attempt to gain the upper hand in terms of property distribution by any means necessary—including the hiding of assets. If you suspect your spouse of hiding assets, there are multiple methods that can be used to help uncover the wrongdoing, either on your own or with professional help.

Methods for Your Lawyer

In a divorce, your attorney is your primary resource if you suspect your spouse has committed a financial misdeed. There are multiple legal documents used during the civil process of divorce, especially during discovery, in which a party is bound by law to tell the truth, and they must do so in very specific ways, providing very specific information. Both parties are bound to comply with any discovery request that the court deems reasonable, which will usually be most of them.