When married parents decide to end their marriage, often their biggest concern is not for themselves, but for their children. While the changes that come with divorce can be a challenge for any child to overcome, studies show that children are more than capable of adapting to a two-home family. One thing parents often worry about when they come to the realization that their marriage is over is how they will tell the children about the split. There is no perfect way to tell your kids that you and their other parent are getting a divorce, but there are some things you can do to minimize confusion and distress during the discussion.

Have the Conversation Together as a Family

Even if you and your soon-to-be-ex cannot stand to be around each other, it can be incredibly beneficial for parents to tell children about the divorce at the same time. Presenting a united front in this way shows children that although you may be ending the marriage, you are still parents and will work together to care for the children. Using words like “we” and “us” can help reassure the children that neither parent is going to abandon them. Make sure to tell the children that this decision was made by the adults and was not the result of anything the children did.

Addiction issues have affected most people in some way or another. Whether they are the friend or family member of someone who fights addiction or they themselves have struggled with addiction or substance abuse, addiction can be devastating to the people whose lives are impacted by it. The National Survey on Drug Use and Health reports that 21.5 million adults and adolescents experienced drug or alcohol addiction in the U.S in 2014 alone. If you or someone close to you struggles with addiction, you know that addiction can become all-consuming. If you are married to an addict, you may have considered ending the marriage through divorce. Only those in marriage can know what is the right course of action for them, but if you are unhappily married to an addict, there are a few things you should keep in mind.

Are You Being Abused?

One of the most horrible things about substance abuse and addiction is that it can change a person into a completely different version of themselves. Substance abuse has been found to co-occur in 40-60 percent of domestic violence or intimate partner violence incidents. If you are married to an addict and are considering if you should stay or leave, one of the biggest red flags that the marriage is unhealthy is abuse. While many only think of abuse as serious physical harm, such as a husband who repeatedly hits his wife, abuse can be much subtler. Psychological abuse can include threats made against the other spouse or the children, attempts to control and manipulate the family members, or forcing the family members to be isolated from other loved ones. Sometimes romantic partners of addicts put up with abuse much longer than they should because they believe the person cannot help their behavior. Unfortunately, abusive behavior often escalates.

Have you recently filled out an application that asked about your marital status? Do you remember what the some of the checkbox options were? Most such questions include answers like “single,” “married,” and “divorced,” but some have additional options such as “single, never married” and “widowed.” Perhaps the least common is an option for “separated.” Depending on the purpose of the application or question, the precise definition of “separated” may not be all that important, but if you are in the process of getting divorced, it is important to know what the law in Illinois says about separations.

Two Different Meanings

The word “separation” is generally used in two very different ways in the context of divorce. The first is rather casual and is often used by the spouses themselves to describe their situation while their marriage is coming to an end. For example, if your spouse recently moved out, you might tell your friends that you and your spouse are separated. This type of separation, however, is not considered a “legal separation.” Instead, it is considered a period of living separate and apart.

Although we rarely think of it this way, marriage and, consequently, divorce are business decisions as much as they are personal decisions. When a marriage ends, it is not only the spouses who separate but also the lives they have created together. This includes the home which they share together, their property, assets, debts and more. Undoing a marriage through divorce can be a tricky process. If you are planning to divorce, make sure to avoid these classic mistakes.

Overestimating Your Future Income

As the old saying goes, “It is better to be safe than sorry.” When you are deciding how the marriage will end, try to be conservative when picturing your life as a single person. Sometimes people overestimate what they will be able to afford on their own. For example, they may want to stay in the family home for sentimental reasons, but are not ready for the burden of the mortgage payments. If you are the lower-earning spouse, it is possible that you will receive spousal maintenance payments as part of your divorce settlement, but this is far from guaranteed.

If you are planning to get divorced, you are probably wondering how you and your spouse’s property will be divided. Since Illinois is an “equitable division” state, marital property is divided equitably, but not necessarily evenly. While some states split marital property 50/50, Illinois courts have the freedom to award more marital property to one spouse than the other if such an arrangement is found to be fair. When the court is dividing marital property and debt, there are specific guidelines they must follow.

How Property Decisions Are Made

Illinois courts look at twelve main factors when making property division decisions in a divorce. The first factor is each party’s contribution. More specifically, the court must consider how each spouse contributed "to the acquisition, preservation, or increase or decrease in value, of the marital or non-marital property.” Each spouse’s income is considered as well the non-monetary contributions the spouses made to the marriage including homemaking and child-rearing. Courts will also consider any dissipation, or wasting or hiding of assets, when making decisions about property division. For example, a spouse who used martial funds to finance an affair during the marriage may receive less of the marital property. The value of the property which is assigned to each spouse is also taken into consideration.