No one enjoys the thought of interacting with their soon-to-be ex-spouse on a daily basis, which leads to people often living apart during the divorce process. In fact, Illinois law even allows one spouse to temporarily remove the other from the home under certain, limited circumstances.

However, for a variety of reasons, many couples do continue to live together through at least part of the divorce process. Many people face financial constraints that make living apart difficult in the short-term, and strategic considerations surrounding the divorce may also make staying in the marital house advantageous. Consequently, many people need to develop strategies for peaceful cohabitation until they finalize the divorce.

Techniques for Civil Cohabitation

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One of the biggest steps people take after getting a divorce is deciding to move back into the dating pool. People can often be apprehensive about taking this step, since they fear they are out of practice or that dating has somehow changed in the interim. While these fears are understandable, there are many strategies for overcoming them and having a full romantic life after a divorce. With that goal in mind, here are a few tips for handling a first date post-divorce.

Make Sure You Are Ready

 The first thing to consider is whether you are actually ready to get back to dating. Many people start dating as soon as the ink dries on the divorce papers, or sometimes even earlier. While that can certainly be the right decision for some people, others do it reflexively, since they are not used to being single and just want to find themselves back in a relationship. It is important for each person to take a deep breath and decide for themselves how long they need to process the events of their divorce. According to the US Census Bureau the median time between divorce and remarriage is over three years, although the correct amount of time is up to each person individually.

Commit to the Process

 Once a person decides they are ready to start dating again, one of the most important things to do is to put effort into the date. Many married couples get used to wearing sweatpants or wrinkled clothes, as well as going to the same restaurants continuously. Reentering the dating world means trying harder, planning fun dates, dressing to make a good impression, and maintaining good personal grooming habits.

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Every divorce is a unique and personal matter that hinges on many different factors. An event that leads to divorce for one couple may not disrupt the relationship between another. Each case is different. However, that is not to say that there are not trends.

For example, social scientists have long believed that the health of the economy can affect the divorce rate, but there has been some debate on exactly what effect it has. Some scientists argue that the additional stress of difficult financial times should cause an increase in divorces, but a new paper from the University of Maryland, College Park offers the opposite opinion. The paper’s author analyzed the historical divorce rate between 2008 and 2011, and came to the conclusion that a downturn in the economy can actually keep people’s marriages together.

 The author sampled the divorce rate among 2.8 million women, and found that the divorce rate fell from 2.09 percent in 2008 to 1.95 percent in 2009, which was a year over year decrease of four percent. In absolute terms, this means that 150,000 fewer divorces happened in 2009 than one would expect based on 2008. Then in 2010 and 2011, as the economy began a slow recovery, the divorce rate rose with it, climbing back up to 1.98 percent. Additionally, history shows that this is not the first time such a trend has happened. Divorce rates showed a similar pattern throughout the 1930s as a result of the Great Depression.

 What Causes This Change in Divorce Rate?

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Adultery is an emotionally difficult issue that affects 16 percent of marriages, according to the Wall Street Journal. Illinois law recognizes the disruptive effect that infidelity can have on marriages, and allows people to cite adultery as grounds for a “fault” divorce. However, many people are unclear on exactly how to prove adultery, and what effect it will have on their case if they can prove it.

How to Prove It

Proving adultery in a divorce can be a difficult proposition at times, since it can be challenging to get concrete evidence. If you suspect that your spouse is cheating on you, bills can be some of the easiest places to look. Phone bills, especially for cell phones, can often reveal unusual calling patterns that could provide information about an affair. Credit card bills can also help you determine how and where your spouse spends their money, which could reveal a secret relationship.

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Couples counseling can be an intimidating concept. No one immediately likes the idea of opening their relationship up to another person, but each year millions of people participate in couples counseling. Many find it to be a healthy and rewarding experience, and in some cases even a way to avoid divorce. Couples can increase these benefits if they take proactive steps beforehand. Learning what to expect, how to prepare, and what success means ahead of time can make the whole process easier and more approachable

 What to Expect

 Couples counseling is a conversation, sometimes with the counselor and sometimes with each other. While every counselor has a unique style, the early sessions will probably start off with open-ended “getting to know you questions.” The therapist will want to know what brought you to their office, and they will probably want to hear about the history of your relationship as well. The counselor could also split you up for some one-on-one time, or even bring you in for individual appointments so that they can get a better picture of what is going on in the relationship. Then, over the course of the sessions, the therapist will start to act as a neutral moderator, helping the couple openly and honestly discuss their relationship.

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