One of the hardest parts about going through a divorce is handling the daily stress that comes with it. While many people think of stress as a purely mental issue, it can also cause physical health problems. One divorce counselor has even compiled a Divorce-Stress scale to help people assess specific risk factors.

Of course, staying in an unhealthy marriage can also cause significant stress, so often people’s best option can be to move forward with a divorce and learn to manage the stress associated with it. Some of the best strategies include reaching out to a support network, staying active, and seeking help from a therapist.

Find a Support Network

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You and your divorce lawyer will be working closely throughout the divorce process to ensure that you receive the best possible outcome. Since the divorce process can last for months or years, learning how best to communicate with your lawyer early on can save you time, hassle, and money at a later date.

When talking to your lawyer, it is important to keep the goal of your relationship in mind. Your lawyer represents you and your interests in court. That means that when you talk to them, you should keep your focus on legal issues, be honest and forthcoming, and ask questions about any matters that you do not understand.

 Stay on Point

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Although divorces are common enough today that most people have some experience seeing them from the outside, many people do not understand the actual steps of a divorce. Divorce, like many legal proceedings, is broken down into a series of stages. It begins with filing the petition for divorce, and can move all the way into trial, with several steps in between.

 The Divorce Petition

The divorce proceedings begin when the plaintiff, also known as the petitioner, files a petition requesting a divorce. This petition is a piece of paperwork that makes the court aware that the petitioner would like to dissolve the marriage. The actual form itself is often very short, only detailing things like the general grounds for the divorce, the number of children, and other pertinent information. 

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One of the largest parts of any divorce process is the division of marital assets. In Illinois, judges divide the assets equitably, based on a variety of factors, including, but not limited to the following:

• spousal contribution to the marital estate;
• debts of the parties;
• age of the spouses; and
• tax consequences, among other things.

One important part of property division in divorce is the accuracy of asset valuation. This can have a large impact on how assets are divided because a mistaken asset valuation can lead to a judge’s incorrectly deciding what would constitute as equitable division.

For many assets, valuation is a simple, straightforward process. Items such as bank accounts and life insurance policies have readily accessible cash values that courts can use to make their decisions. The issue of value becomes less clear though, if the spouses have more complex assets, such as private corporations, stock portfolios, or real estate. These assets often exist without readily accessible markets to judge their worth, or have such rapidly changing value that getting a consistent estimation of their worth can be difficult.

Undeterminable Assets

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People looking for a divorce often hold off on initiating the process for fear of beginning the conversation with their spouse. Sometimes, people choose not to have the conversation beforehand, instead opting to simply serve their spouse with divorce papers. Although this saves them the initial awkwardness of the first talk about the divorce, the surprise and formality of being served can start the proceedings off in the wrong way, and may lead to more complications further along.

While there is no way to avoid the uncomfortable nature of the conversation, the pain and discomfort can be minimized through careful planning of the discussion’s circumstances and content. The first part of the planning relates to choosing where and when to tell your spouse. Then, you should consider how to open the conversation. Finally, you should consider your spouse’s possible reactions and how best to respond to them.

Where and When to Tell Your Spouse

Planning the where and when of the initial divorce discussion can have a large impact on how it will go. Choose a quiet, private place, so that the two of you can have an honest talk. If you have children, make sure they are fully occupied or out of the house. Some experts also recommend turning off your phones during the talk to make sure that you are not interrupted.

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