After a divorce, even one that went smoothly, there can be a lot of anger, resentment, and sadness. But, when there are children involved, it is vital that both parents find a way to work together to be the best parents to those children. They are having their own difficulties adjusting to the divorce. Here are three tips for effectively co-parenting after a divorce.

Understand You Have Still a Relationship with Your Ex-Spouse

The divorce may have ended the marriage, but you and your ex are still in a relationship. You are co-parents to your children. That means you have to communicate and work together for the best interests of your children. This can be hard enough when parents have a strong marriage, but when a couple has been divorced it can be extra challenging.

Divorce is difficult enough when there is one child. When two or more children are involved, the concerns about the effect of divorce on the children become magnified. Oftentimes, siblings may feel a stronger bond to different parents: while one child may feel an especially strong attachment to his mother, the sibling may feel a particularly close bond with her father. When a court is called upon to make a child custody determination, how does a court treat siblings if factors pull the court in conflicting directions?

A Refresher on Child Custody Determinations

As many are already familiar, a child custody determination as part of a separate suit or a divorce action will be made after the court considers the best interest of the child or children involved. In determining the best interest of the child in any given case, courts are free to consider a number of factors about the parents’ work and home life as well as the desires of the children (if the children are of a certain age and maturity level). None of the factors a court is to consider (as set out in the statutes) are determinative; instead the court is to take a “whole picture” view of the situation and circumstances.

Under Illinois law, a judge can order that a child custody evaluation or custody study be done to help the court decide difficult issues of parenting time and residence of the children of the marriage. The judge typically appoints an evaluator after consulting with the lawyers for both sides. Once an evaluator is chosen, both sides are ordered to cooperate. Cooperation includes paying the evaluator’s fee.

Who Pays for the Custody Study?

The circumstances of every case are different. Judges have a lot of latitude in deciding who should pay for a custody study. While usually both sides have to contribute something, it is not required that both sides contribute equally. Often judges will order one side with more access to cash to pay most of the fee. However, the payment of the fee can also be considered when the marital property is divided.

A Nebraska father has lost his fight to obtain primary residential custody of his children after a Nebraska appellate court ruled the trial court properly considered his motion and entered a ruling supported by the facts and circumstances of the case. The father argued that allowing the children to remain in the custody of their mother, who had remarried a registered sex offender, was contrary to the children’s best interests. The children’s stepfather admitted to having been convicted of attempted sexual assault over 10 years ago and had served four years in prison for the offense. In finding that the current custody arrangement did not pose a significant risk to the father’s teenaged daughters, the court relied on the testimony of the girls’ therapist who stated she believed the stepfather posed a low risk of reoffending and testimony that established certain precautions were in place at the mother’s house to ensure the girls were not left alone with their stepfather.

Changing Custody in Illinois When the Residential Parent Remarries a Sex Offender

Child custody decisions in Illinois (as elsewhere) are based on what the court determines to be the “best interest of the child.” There are a number of factors listed in Illinois statutes that courts can consider in determining what is the best interest of the child, but this list is non-exclusive (meaning that the court is free to consider other factors that it deems relevant to making its decision). If one of the parties to the custody action is a registered sex offender, this is a factor the Illinois statutes direct the court to consider. The fact that a stepparent who lives with the children is a registered sex offender may be considered by the court, despite not being specifically listed as a factor to consider.

A recent report touched on the growing nationwide problem of parents who are being reported to local child protection agencies for behaviors and decisions the parents believe are normal, healthy parenting decisions. For example, in one instance an Illinois couple faced an investigation for child abuse after someone saw the couple’s children playing in a park next door to their apartment and reported the couple for child neglect. These types of cases do not just “go away”: years later the couple is continuing to fight back against authorities that found they were guilty of neglecting their children.

Abusing Laws Designed to Protect Others

Domestic violence, child abuse, and child neglect have all received a great deal of attention in recent years. Many states – Illinois included – have enacted tough laws that are designed to encourage concerned individuals to report suspected child abuse or child neglect without fear of repercussion and that make it easy for abused domestic partners to seek restraining orders against their abusive partners. As good and laudable as these efforts are, they can be easily abused and manipulated.